Take me to the Chappel

Only 4 months late...I'm starting to catch up!

I thought it was high time I documented the wonderful 22nd Chappel Beer Festival in September 2008.

As my reader may remember, I managed to take the whole week as holiday for the 21st festival in 2007, well, I managed it again in 2008 :o)

The festival does not start until Tuesday evening so I had a lazy Monday (also my birthday) visiting Mum & Dad, where I saw my Sister & my young nephew & very young new neice (just 3 weeks old, still very fresh) , before returning to Bures & pottering around my flat, eating all the things I love to eat when I'm being indulgent(fresh crusty bread, real butter, cheese, peanut butter, chocolate) (but not all at the same time). I played a bit of pinball as the downstairs neighbours were not in to be disturbed, listened to my favourite Marillion albums & popped over to the Swan with a copy of the local paper to accompany a pint or 5 of lovely IPA before coming home to sit in my TV chair (with the surround sound speakers set up right behind me) to watch some Dr Who DVD's. All in all a marvellously marvelous way to spend a birthday, not an annoying teenage boy in sight & knowing everybody else, including Aly, were at work :o)

This however was just a relaxing warm up for the remainder of the week...

Tuesday entailed more relaxed pottering before getting the train to Chappel for the start of the main event. Despite arriving 10 minutes before the advertised opening time, I was allowed straight into the museum where a smattering of early birds were already sampling the wares on offer. A pleasantly paced evening saw 11 halves sampled, starting with the `Hunters Gold' from a local brewer I had not come accross before, the Red Fox Brewery in Coggeshall. It seems they only started brewing the previous month so I must have sampled one of their first attempts and very agreeable it was too. 10 more halves followed - Some of the half pint measures were to say the least, generous as you can see!(the two lines on the glass are 1/3 pint & 1/2 pint marks)

Wednesday was a bit of a gala day with two work colleagues also having managed to take the day off. We decided that we would get a fellow punter to take our picture before the crowds arrived. The first person we approached ran away claiming inability to work anything even vaguely technological, the second reluctantly agreed but even then held the camera as if it may steal his sole, passed it straight back & rushed off to lie in a dark corner of the goods shed. his rather blury result is shown here.

There is always plenty of food available, my favourite this year being the chilli from the butchers stall, if you got served by the right person you would get a decent portion - I was asked what I wanted with it, chips or bread & replied I just wanted the chilli & was rewarded with an extra spoonful. Not extra spicy but hugely meaty & wonderfully flavourful.

Here I am, looking alarmingly disheviled, tucking in...

Another well paced day saw another 12 brews sampled including `Drop of Nelson's Blood' from the Farmers brewery in Maldon & `Misleading Lights' from the Harwich Town brewery in, er, Harwich.

Apart from the three of us, there were plenty of strange characters present, including this chap we recognised from previous years, christened by ourselves with rapier like wit as `the duckman'

Following past experience, I made sure Thursday was a particularly laid back day with a lesurely 2 hour lunchtime visit allowing the paper to be read over 6 mellow halves.

Friday (say it quietly) was a day away from the festival. I drove back over to Stansted to bring Aly over to Bures for the grand finale to come on Saturday.

What should have been a detox day to give the liver time to recover, turned into the booziest day of the week when we took the train the other way up the line to Sudbury & spent most of the day visiting a high percentage of the 19 pubs within walking distance of the station. The day included what Aly described as `the best pie I've ever eaten' at the Waggon & Horses - if you are ever in Sudbury (Suffolk) of a lunchtime, give this pub a try, specials at less than a fiver that are good tasty home cooked food served in generous portions. Guest ales are also available.

Saturday was a marathon, from noon til last train at 22.31, 18 well paced halves, 2 plates of chilli, 1 hot dog, a portion of chips & 1 cheese burger followed by a nightcap of IPA followed by an Irish Whiskey in the Swan on the way back from the station. There was live music in the evening to stomp your feet to & in line with tradition established over many previous years, I parted with many a pound on merchandice, coming home with a lovely new celtic cross design pewter belt buckle, yet another new hip flask & an engraved christening tankard for my new neice Abigail. Alyson persauded me to buy her a rather natty pewter buckle with an Egyptian design. Only disappointment was after ordering half number 16 of the day, going to mark it off the list & finding it was half number 1 from way back on Tuesday!

All in all a rather wonderful week with many brews sampled, some new, some old favourites. 48 halves sampled, being 47 different beers, and every one a decent brew with none needing to be poored away onto the cinders. The countdown to 2009's 23rd festival has begun...

I'll end this post with a serving suggestion taken from a packet of Tesco Mince Pies.

A Point to note for fellow connoisseurs of the serving suggestion is the fact that they have taken the trouble to vary the photo on the side of the packet (still labled with the holy words `serving suggestion').

The main suggestion seems to be to fold a checkered vinyl table cloth & pile the pies attractively towards the back, whilst taking a bite out of a fourth pie & placing this to the fore, together with the actual bite, off the cloth & on the table. Some crumbs from the biting are visible on the cloth. A final festive flourish is the placing of a sprig of holly behind the pie pile. The secondary suggestion on the side of the packet sees the holly sprig moved to the right & 2 of the pies from the pie pile removed.

I am unsure whether this is meant to denote the pies having been eaten, after all, given the choice, most guests would probably leave the pie with the bite taken out til very last if choosing, or whether this is a seperate display for the final 2 pies in the packet (6 pies in a pack). the bite taken from the pie seems very very similar to that on the main picture so my best guess would be the former. In which case one would need to ask the question `how the devil do I serve the last 2 pies?'.

Any way, til next time, take care, serve well & stay alive.

In Memoriam...

After the last post & at the risk of turning this blog into a rather morbid & depressing obituary column, I feel I do have to mark the passing of two icons that I have grown up with.

Firstly, farewell Woolworths, the final shops closed their doors for the last time over the New Year. Founded in America in 1878 it became one of the first shops to have its goods on shelves available for selection by the customer, rather than behind the counter to be gathered by the shop keeper. The first British shop opened in Liverpool in 1909. This first store seems to have been a kind of forerunner to the modern `Poundland' type chains, with all items priced at sixpence.

It marked over a century of service by being named in the Guiness Book of World Records as the largest department store chain in the world in 1979.

It has been a shop that I would wander through at least once on most weeks during a lunch break, either in search of a specific item (anything from cotton, shoe insoles, light bulbs, seeds or curtain hooks to DVD's or mobile phones) or just to see whether there were any special offers that would induce me to an impulse buy.

Unfortunately, it was unable to make it a century in Britain & the next generation of kids will need to get their pick`n'mix elsewhere :o(

The final few weeks really were rather undignified, with hoards of customers stripping the stores of any stock & taking advantage of the closing down sales. During the final week, even the fixtures & fittings were up for grabs whilst in at least one branch, staff sold the red T-shirts off in aid of the staff leaving party.

I must compliment all staff on their own dignified behaviour during this period. Being told you are losing your job must be difficult to take at the best of times but to happen over the Christmas / New Year holiday period must be doubley depressing. Despite this, all the staff in the 3 local branches I have visited in past weeks were unfailingly polite & cheery & I take my hat off to them & wish them all well in the future.

The second sad passing I was sorry to hear of was that of Oliver Postgate who died aged 83 on 8th December.

Together with puppeteer Peter Firmin, he produced some wonderful childrens programmes which provided a constant backdrop to my own early years. Series such as the Clangers, Bagpuss, Noggin the Nog, Pogles Wood & Ivor the Engine have a uniquely innocent home made British feel to them. Filmed in stop motion photography, the puppets & scenery were hand made by Postgate, Firmin & their families. The Clangers for example were knitted & dressed by Firmin's wife & the sets constructed & filmed in a barn next to Firmin's house.

These programmes remain vivid within my own memories - the `Marvellous, mechanical Mouse Organ...', the mice making chocolate biscuits from butter beans in the toy mill, their weekly `We will fix it' song, the pompous proffessor Yaffle (...just a carved wooden bookend in the shape of a woodpecker), the Soup Dragon & the Iron Chicken, Idris the dragon in Ivor's boiler, Nogbad the bad & too many more to mention. Postgate himself voiced many of the characters & his honeyed tones are also a firm childhood memory. I have recently passed videos of the Clangers to my sister to show to my young Nephew (coincidently also an Oliver). I hope he will be as facinated & enthralled by the tales from the Little Blue Planet in Space as I was in the early 70's.

The world enters 2009 a poorer place.

He's Still Alive...

No, not me, although if the cap fits...!

I was saddened to hear in April of the death of Humphrey Lyttelton a month short of his eighty seventh birthday. Old Etonian, Guardsman, trumpeter, bandleader, calligrapher, cartoonist, writer, journalist and broadcaster, an immense talent who is much missed.

My first contact with `Chairman Humph' would have been in my early teens on my crackly first hand me down radio (or wireless as we used to call them back in the day...).

My Mum & Dad had upgraded the kitchen radio to an all sing all dancing modern version, with an integrated tape player, heady stuff indeed. I quickly discovered that the radio was not just this awful `pop' music that my friends all seemed to be into (I never was very trendy!) but that there was a wealth of comedy on offer on both Radio 2 & Radio 4. Comedy shows such as `Radio Active', `The Huddlines' & `Keep it Maclean' as well as panel shows like `The News Quiz', `The Law Game' & the wonderfully bizarre `I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'.

From my first listen I was totally hooked, this was radical, near the knuckle stuff which as a twelve year old was quite simply the funniest thing I had ever heard. The double entendres delivered in such dead-pan style by Humph would surely have had Mary Whitehouse choking on her Cocoa had they been uttered by, say Ben Elton, on TV.

In those early years, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was totally taken in by such things as the silent score keeper Samantha & the bamboozling game of `Mornington Crescent', even sitting down to listen on occasion with a copy of the London Underground map to try & track the moves & work out the rules.

I still listen to every show & have a stack of tapes that I play in the car from time to time, they make long journeys fly by.

In recent years I have been fortunate to see Humph in action in `Clue' twice. The first occasion was at a recording in Ipswich in 2005 - 2 shows were recorded & took about an hour each. The atmosphere & experience was fantastic & I finally saw the truth behind Samantha (an empty chair) & the `laser display screen' (the producer walking on & holding up a big bit of card with the answer scrawled on in marker pen).

The second occasion, also in Ipswich was the stage show tour in 2007, a sort of `the best of' presentation. Unhindered by recording requirements & re-takes this was an unashamed celebration of all the best of `Clue', complete with Mornington Crescent, Jeremy Hardy's unique singing & audience participation on kazoos. In concert tradition, the cast returned to the stage for an encore & the evening ended with Humph giving a wonderful rendition of `We'll Meet Again' on his trumpet with a joy & energy belying his old age.

One date of this stage tour was filmed & has recently been released on DVD, an abridged version was broadcast on BBC4. On the tour, producer John Naismith introduced Humph as `The jazz musician's jazz musician's jazz musician's panel show chairman....He's still alive...Humphrey Lyttleton'. the last part was cut from the BBC4 version, understandably given that this was part of an obituary of sorts. I hope that it is re-instated within the DVD, it makes a fitting tribute as although having left us, Humph is in many respects still alive in the minds of the many people he touched through his long & talented life. This turned out to be Humph's last `Clue' performance so it is fitting that it should be the only filmed version of the show.

So raise a glass & go straight to Mornington Crescent, farewell Humph.

So the arse end of another year has finally disappeared into the boxer shorts of time, leaving me teetering on one foot trying to get both legs into the trousers of destiny before falling flat on my face & wondering where the devil the time has gone to.

December was a busy month. The obvious, Christmas stuff, the frantic final texting to relatives pleading for a clue as to anything that they might want, the visits & visiting & the wonderful Dr Who Christmas special, but also I managed two weekends in the home of lovely beer where much lovely beer was drunk & much lovely breakfast was eaten, as well as much lovely curry. Marillion played their traditional Christmas shows & I caught them in Cambridge for a fantastic evening at the start of the month. ...

Much as I enjoy Christmas (and I do, whatever anyone else may tell you - I just think that when it starts so early & you have 24 hour Christmas songs for 6 weeks before together with the attendant shopping frenzy, it gets spoilt & by the time the actual event arrives, it's an anti-climax), I do enjoy the period between Christmas & New Year. I go back to work the day after Boxing day & the roads are empty, work is quiet & all the food is on special offer :o)

And then, as quick as you like, it was all over & before I could draw breath, I find myself into Spring. Not that you would believe it having seen the weather today, icy winds & heavy (but fortunately brief) snow showers. However, it's true, Winter is over & Spring burst into life at 5.10 am on 20th March.
February half term week saw us take a short break, using our usual criteria of`where can you fly to cheaply from Stansted'. After previous winter trips to Venice (misty & a little bit nippy), Prague (real proper big snow, damn chilly) & Tallin (real proper brass monkey weather - some evening temperatures around -15 degs, water was freezing between leaving the lower ends of drain pipes & hitting the pavements!), we chose to visit Krakow in Poland.

Cold, but not as cold as Tallin, Krakow was a very friendly city with great architecture & some marvelous cellar bars - great places all with vaulted ceilings & various chambers & levels. If I could have had a pint of Bury St Edmunds finest, I think I might have stayed!

The darker side of human nature & history are also in evidence, with the very moving Holocaust memorial in the old Jewish ghetto area, not far from the Schindler Factory. The indescribable & infinitely moving Auswitch is about an hours drive away.

It was here that we experienced one of those `small world' moments that should be incredibly rare but seem to occur more than they should. Having debated the best way to travel to Auswitch, we decided on the easy option of allowing the hotel to organise a minibus with English guide at the site.

The bus picked us up punctually from the hotel, having obviously made previous pick ups. One more pick up was made before making the hour long journey. This was only a 15 / 16 seater bus, so imagine our surprise when we recognised four people get off the bus as we arrived. They had been sat at the back so we hadn't noticed them as we boarded, I was gob-smacked to see the barmaid from the pub not fifty yards from my flat in Bures, with her husband & 2 other chaps I recognised from the pub. Now, Bures has a population of around 1100 & this bus had around 16 seats so to find 6 people from the village on it was pretty spooky.

Chatting with them back in England, they said that a similar thing had happened to them in (I think) Prague.






























A nice simple serving suggestion this time - a chicken fillet in breadcrumbs. At first glance this seems straight forward enough - serve with peas & mash & cut one end off so the recipient ca see what lies beneath the tempting crispy breadcrumb coating. Further scrutiny reveals a couple of interesting (ok not that interesting) points of note.

Firstly, the disappointing proximity of the instruction to `keep frozen' to the words `serving suggestion' (unfortunately this hasn't come out too well on the scan so you'll just have to trust me!)

Secondly, if you look at the actual size of the fillet, the suggestion appears to be to serve this on a saucer sized plate. I feel anyone coming home from a hard days work to be presented with such a dinner is unlikely to be overly impressed!


I realise looking at the (in)frequency of my posts that I am becoming lax! Whilst I will never be as prolific as some, I really must make the effort to post at least every month!

Anyway, that's all for now, next post due before the end of April! The serving suggestions are mounting up & need to be shown to the world!

Til next time, take care, stay alive & serve correctly.

Just A Suggestion...

Further to my introduction into the world of serving suggestions, I bring you a cautionary tale.


After my previous postings highlighting the need for caution, I was contacted by a concerned & embarrassed reader to offer his own tale of woe.

I will let him take up the story...


"It all began one innocent Sunday morning, on my weekly trip to Sainsburys. I had decided a day or so before that I wanted to liven up my breakfast routine & was on the lookout for something to replace my usual dose of `Rice Crispies'. Imagine my excitement when I spied this nestling between the Sugar Puffs & the Frosties...


Promising Wholegrain Oat Goodness together with plenty of fibre, this looked like just the thing. Rashly, I threw it into my trolley & rushed off to complete my shop.


On Monday morning it was with great excitement that I took the new box from the cupboard. It was than that my nightmare began.


As a newcomer to this particular cereal, I was unsure how best to enjoy the wholesome honey clusters. Looking at the thoughtfully provided serving suggestion, I began to wonder whether I may have bitten off more than I could chew (if you'll pardon the pun). I began to Panic.


I had no honey in the house. Certainly not in such a posh looking jar. I certainly didn't posess a honey stick - I'm not even sure what it is called. That day I went to work hungry.

That lunchtime I rushed to Tesco (other supermarkets are available) to look for honey. I couldn't find the exact jar, but I took a chance on a jar of `Rowse's' that had a suitably ribbed effect jar. Next it was off to find a serving stick. I tried Matalan on the off chance but no luck, it was Debenhams that bailed me out & at the end of a frantic lunch hour, with honey & stick in the bag, I was flustered & £5 down on the deal.

Next morning I eagerly reached for the box & threw a handful of clusters on the table. Having placed the honey jar in position I was horrified to notice something that I had previously overlooked - the innocent looking ear of wheat (OK, I KNOW that its not wheat...NOW). In dismay, I put the cereal back in the box. I went to work hungry.

After work, I took the car & drove to the country in search of a wheat field. Fortunately for me I had started this breakfast quest in August & not January. Having found a suitable field I purloined a handful of ears that I thought should be sufficient to see me through to the end of the box.

Wednesday morning dawned bright & hopeful. Clusters were scattered, honey & serving stick were at the ready, wheat was placed into position...when my partner mentioned that, actually, looking at the box, it didn't look much like the wheat I had gone to such lengths to obtain. I looked closer - agghhh! she was right, clearly NOT wheat. It appeared to be some sort of wild grass (OK, I know NOW!). I went to work hungry.

Thursday morning, fistful of grass in hand, I approached the breakfast table. `what's that?' my partner asked. `Grass' I replied (actually I used some more words but you get the gist). `What for?' In answer I took the box & shook it in her face.

`That's not grass'

Hungry & rapidly losing my cool, I asked her why she thought that.

`Don't you think that it's more likely to be oats - as in wholegrain oat goodness?'

At this stage, I'm not ashamed to admit that I broke down in tears. In response, my partner slapped me round the face & shouted `It's only a bloody suggestion', took the box from my hands, found a bowl from the cupboard, filled it with honey clusters, poured milk over & put it on the table in front of me.

Actually, they were rather over rated. I've gone back to Rice Crispies.

Are You Being Served?

My word, where did September go. Come to think of it, where did the 90's go?


A busy month, with a week visiting the Beer Festival (a personal best of 43 different beers sampled), 3 family birthdays (mine included), a Fish Concert & a trip to the theatre to see the stage show version of `I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'.


I thought I'd start the first of a (hopefully) regular feature of `serving suggestions' - those helpful additions to the packaging of your food, giving you vital assistance in serving & presenting said item correctly. These can be far more subtle & in depth than may at first appear the case, particularly to the uninitiated & I hope to guide you through the potential pitfalls of food presentation thus helping you avoid any food faux pas that may entrap the unwary.


A simple one to start with...`Iceland Thin & Crispy Pizza'













This seems fairly simple to start with - put it on a plate. However, closer inspection reveals more...the peperoni has clearly been re-arranged from the usual `pile on one side' that normally occurs when you take the pizza from the freezer. The slice is also important, although I haven't sussed the technique to make it hovver at the 30 degree angle as suggested...The plate, although difficult to discern against the background appears to be an Ikea model & the colour is also clearly important (as you will see below) - to place a `thin and crispy' on a red plate for example would cause confusion for any guest & place you in danger of ridicule & humiliation


The pair to the `thin and crispy' is the `deep pan'



As it can be seen, the basics are the same - arrange the topping in a pleasing & even way, make a slice (& make it hovver). The crucial difference is in the plate - same Ikea styling but in a vivid shade of red. Imagine the embarrasment - you bring a young lady (or gentleman, depending on your own preference) home for the first time, eager to impress with your gourmet skills with a view to an evening of seduction. The lights are low, the music suitably romantic, you bring in a `thin and crispy' on a red plate & your intended can hardly pick themselves off the floor for laughing at your lack of social grace. The relationship is over before it begins & should the pair of you share any mutual aquaintances, you are in store for months of finger pointing & sniggering behind your back. At least you have a whole pizza to yourself though.

It should be noted as an aside that both `deep pan' & `thin and crispy' come with the following helpful warning on the pack `WARNING:TOPPING WILL BE HOT ONCE COOKED'. Well blow me down, 20 minutes in a 200 degree oven & it becomes hot. A sad indication of the increasingly `Americanised' letigious environment we are living in.

If this leaves you nervous, best leave the oven off & dial out to Domino's - all in all so much safer!

Til next time, remember, it's a jungle out there,


Take care, stay alive.

Chappel of Love

As summer (you may have missed it...) limps into its final 3 weeks, evenings draw in & the evening air beigins to aquire that autumnal `nip', one of my favourite times of year has arrived.

Chappel beer festival.

Set in a railway museum in the rolling coutryside of north essex, this is my favourite beer festival & the only one I make a concerted effort to attend. The museum is set at Chappel station which is at the East end of a 32 arch Victorian viaduct with stunning views over the surrounding area. Sitting in an open railway carriage with a lovely beer watching the sun set over the Colne Valley is one of the best ways to pass time that I can think of (OK, it's in the top ten anyway)

Over the years I've been attending, I've noticed a gradual change in the cross-section of attendies. If I mention to my colleagues I'm going to a beer festival, most of the comments revolve around anoraks & beardy weirdies. Whilst there will always be an `earthy' element to some of the customers, they are only a small minority in a hugely cosmopolitan mix & most of the people are absolutely normal!

The weekday evening sessions tend to be slightly top heavy with `suits' arriving off the trains from London but overal the crowd is a complete mix of all ages & types, a large number of couples, many with their children & some also with their dogs!

I tend to try & have a couple of relaxed sessions on Tuesday & Wednesday evenings & a longer stint on Saturday afternoon / evening. Thursday & Friday evenings tend to be rather too busy for my taste - you can often wait 3/4 of an hour to get served if you time it badly, & that doesn't count the time spent fighting your way to the bar!

My favourite session is the Saturday lunchtime - very relaxed, not too crowded & a great family atmosphere. My partner has been for the last 3 years or so & her children have also been a couple of times & actually enjoyed it - I think I actually detected a hint of disappointment when they heard they were with their father this year (although to be fair, they may have just have been being polite...) One of my favourite quotes came from the youngest who would have been about 9 at the time - well into the afternoon after I'd purchased another in a fairly long line of ales, he looked at me & in completely earnest said `I can't believe you're still thirsty...'

Real ale seems to have become more `trendy' & acceptable in recent years, I've always been a `bitter' man (I'm sure my partner & previous partners would confirm!), & when I first starter drinking in pubs 20 years or so ago, a request for a pint of bitter would often be greeted with surprise & it wouldnt be that unusual to find no real ale available.

It seems that real ale is now making a comeback, `micro' breweries are springing up all over the country and, led by Greene King in particular, real ale is being targeted increasingly at the female market & as an alternative to wine with a lovely meal. My partner is a confirmed `wino' & it is to my immense satisfaction that she will now attend the festival, drink & enjoy a selection of ales & will also always try my beer in a pub (OK, that may be a bad thing...). She even notices whether a pub has `proper' ale pumps.

Anyway, for the first time in the world ever, I have got a weeks holiday that co-incides with the festival & can indulge Wednesday & Thursday lunchtimes. My target is at least 40 different beers over the week & who knows - I might even try the vegitarian curry...although that will probably only be a pishty end of session decision- it has no meat in it!

Bottoms up :o)