A busy month, with a week visiting the Beer Festival (a personal best of 43 different beers sampled), 3 family birthdays (mine included), a Fish Concert & a trip to the theatre to see the stage show version of `I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'.
I thought I'd start the first of a (hopefully) regular feature of `serving suggestions' - those helpful additions to the packaging of your food, giving you vital assistance in serving & presenting said item correctly. These can be far more subtle & in depth than may at first appear the case, particularly to the uninitiated & I hope to guide you through the potential pitfalls of food presentation thus helping you avoid any food faux pas that may entrap the unwary.
A simple one to start with...`Iceland Thin & Crispy Pizza'
This seems fairly simple to start with - put it on a plate. However, closer inspection reveals more...the peperoni has clearly been re-arranged from the usual `pile on one side' that normally occurs when you take the pizza from the freezer. The slice is also important, although I haven't sussed the technique to make it hovver at the 30 degree angle as suggested...The plate, although difficult to discern against the background appears to be an Ikea model & the colour is also clearly important (as you will see below) - to place a `thin and crispy' on a red plate for example would cause confusion for any guest & place you in danger of ridicule & humiliation
The pair to the `thin and crispy' is the `deep pan'
As it can be seen, the basics are the same - arrange the topping in a pleasing & even way, make a slice (& make it hovver). The crucial difference is in the plate - same Ikea styling but in a vivid shade of red. Imagine the embarrasment - you bring a young lady (or gentleman, depending on your own preference) home for the first time, eager to impress with your gourmet skills with a view to an evening of seduction. The lights are low, the music suitably romantic, you bring in a `thin and crispy' on a red plate & your intended can hardly pick themselves off the floor for laughing at your lack of social grace. The relationship is over before it begins & should the pair of you share any mutual aquaintances, you are in store for months of finger pointing & sniggering behind your back. At least you have a whole pizza to yourself though.
It should be noted as an aside that both `deep pan' & `thin and crispy' come with the following helpful warning on the pack `WARNING:TOPPING WILL BE HOT ONCE COOKED'. Well blow me down, 20 minutes in a 200 degree oven & it becomes hot. A sad indication of the increasingly `Americanised' letigious environment we are living in.
If this leaves you nervous, best leave the oven off & dial out to Domino's - all in all so much safer!
Til next time, remember, it's a jungle out there,
Take care, stay alive.
2 comments:
43 beers! How many visits to the toilets was that, and more importantly, how sanitary were they?
Very pleased to see the serving suggestions... ah, the life of a "food photo technician"... to make that pile of processed chemicals look appetising...
I remember seeing a documentry about their roles (rolls?) once, and one woman said that one "trick of the trade" was to use engine oil in place of syrup as it didn't get affected by the heat of the lights like real sugar-based syrups. But relating that to your serving suggestions concept, if I knew it was engine oil, why would I want to pour it on my waffles? (mind you, it may well ease starting me on cold mornings) ;-)
I do like the "Warning: hot when heated" thing. On a plane once, we got some packets of peanuts (the things with a maximum of 3 nuts in) which said on them "Contents: nuts Directions: Chew and swallow - May contain nut traces".
The beers were only half pints & were spread over 4 visits. The loos were the usual mobile portakabin types & were surprisingly ok - even by Saturday (day 5) there was still running water (yes, water) & I did see regular cleaning patrols - all in all not too bad & definately on the civilised side :o)
Your engine oil revalation may have brought a whole new dimension to the serving suggestion - I'll have to be careful in my interpretation in future!
The warnings we get on food now are almost worthy of another blog...found a nut related one on a jar of Strawberry Jam at work this week - had me & Richard G in stitches - I'll have to copy it down (I'm too tight to buy a jar!)
My mum always used to say when I was a kid & complained if food was too hot `well, it's come from a hot place' - seems that sort of wisdom no longer gets passed on!
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